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Wie kan deze speech nakijken op grammatica, spellingfouten en 1 deel (1 alinea) correct vertalen naar Engels?

+1 stem
Good morning, I am Serap, welcome to my speech. I am here to talk to you about what I believe

Ik wil eerst wat vertellen over mezelf.
Ik zit in mijn zesde leerjaar van mijn HBO-rechten opleiding en ik ontvang geen studiefinanciering meer. Ook heb ik geen studenten OV-chipkaart meer waarmee ik gratis kan reizen. Ik weet hoe het voelt om alle studiekosten zelf te moeten betalen. 1835 euro collegegeld per jaar plus 330 euro per maand om te kunnen reizen naar school. Hiernaast moet ik ook nog eens geld lenen. Ik werk hard om mijn studie te kunnen betalen. Mijn ouders verdienen niet zoveel geld. Zij kunnen mij niet helpen met mijn schoolkosten. Ik werk naast mijn studie 35 uur per week in een restaurant om mijn schoolgeld te kunnen betalen. Om te kunnen studeren hou ik weinig tijd over en dat doe ik na mijn werk meestal. Een van de redenen dat ik in mijn zesde jaar zit is ook omdat ik te veel werk en te weinig tijd heb om te kunnen studeren. Wie van jullie ontvangt er geen studiefinanciering?

Vier jaar lang heb ik studiefinanciering ontvangen. Toen ging alles gemakkelijker. Ik had meer tijd om te studeren, omdat ik niet zoveel hoefde te werken. Als ik vier jaar lang geen studiefinanciering had ontvangen was ik allang gestopt met deze opleiding, omdat ik het niet zou kunnen betalen. While the scholarship is one of the most important necessities for students, the government is of the opinion that  students should pay their own study. A new system will be introduced, the so-called “sociaal leenstelsel”. The government will introduce the new system in the study year 2015-2016. The new system will only apply to new students. Students have to borrow money and repay it back after their graduation. Wat vinden jullie van deze leenstelsel? Kunnen de mensen die hier tegen zijn hun hand opsteken?
Ik ben van mening dat de studiefinanciering niet afgeschaft mag worden.

First of all, did you know that borrowing money for four years results on average into a debt of about EUR 30,000. A student must be in a strong position to borrow money, without any guarantee on a future employment. Research from the National Student Union, commissioned by the Ministry of Education, shows that students indeed do not dare to take this risk. They see borrowing money as one of their biggest fears. This already has caused that 20% of young people think they will stop studying if the scholarship will stop. Based on the research it is clear that the scholarship is essential and that the accessibility to studying will decrease if  the new system will be introduced. According to the Groninger University newspaper, the prospect of being stuck to a large debt for many years scares off prospective students. For example, people with a high student debt often have a lot of trouble later with getting a mortgage for buying a house.

Secondly
If the scholarship gets abolished, Students will try to reduce their financial shortcomings by working more. Net zoals ik dit heb gedaan. Almost all students agree that this will lead to less time spent on the study, and that this will lead to poor study results. All of this will result into a lowering of the success rate. Instead of encouraged, students are discouraged in developing their talents. However, Halbe Zijlstra, politician from the VVD, believes that abolition of the scholarship will increase the success rate. He says: "I believe that cutting back on the higher education ultimately means an investment in the quality of higher education."
Students will realize that they have to work harder to get their degrees as quickly as possible but that does not mean that the quality of education will be improved.

Thirdly, If the scholarship stop, there will be less equality between generations after a generation of student who ended with no dept, now there will be a generation that has to pay all the money back.

As I said students will start their careers with a debt. This prospect scares many young people off, and student will try to reduce their financial shortcomings by working more, what will lead to poor study results and there wil be less equality between the generations. On the basis of the above arguments, ben ik van mening should the studentgrant not be abolished.

Do not save on the future of the Netherlands and our students!

Thank you
Jan 10, 2015 geplaatst in Engels door Serap Aksit
Wat Halbe Zijstra zegt is typisch desastreus-VVD: het maakt hen niet uit waelk onderwerp, het antwoord is altijd: bezuinigen. "Ik geloof" zegt hij, geloven doe je in het CDA, in de kerk. Ik geloof niet in hem en de zijnen; ik geloof dat de VVD nog nimmer iets heeft gedaan voor de verbetering van de kwaliteit van het onderwijs, integendeel. En ik geloof dat hij liegt, dat hij datgene helemaal NIET gelooft.
Het is wat de politiek heden ten dage vervuilt: om wat je wilt met leugens en onwaarheden te motiveren naar buiten toe, i.p.v. ronduit te zeggen "we bezuinigen omdat dat ons doel is, punt uit."
O en dan nog iets: een regering die kort op de studiemogelijkheden is slechts geïnspireerd door egoïsme en sluit haar ogen voor de toekomst van het land. Een hoog gemiddeld opleidingsniveau van de bevolking is in de toekomst een betere garantie tegen crisisverschijnselen voor de gehele bevolking, niet voor alleen de reeds bevoordeelde klassen waar de VVD zo voor ijvert
ik hoop dat je speech goed is gegaan: ik vind het een prima en intelligent verhaal, compliment, en ook voor het naar buiten brengen van deze problematiek. Wat ik zeg over de VVD is niets persoonlijks t.a.v. hun geloof, maar komt door het absoluut lage intelligentie-peil dat uit deze groep af en toe als een koude poolwind over ons wordt uitgestrooid.
Bijv. in mijn jongere jaren al, '70-'80, was hun officieel geloof in cultuur dat voor NL 1 goede tenor-zanger genoeg was, en die was er op dat moment dus al die dure opleidingen konden worrden afgeschaft (lees bezuinigd, hun Toverwoord). Het besef om 1 goede tenor te kweken je er minstens 50 moet opleiden om die ene als resultaat te krijgen, was hun geheel vreemd. M.a.w.- de realiteit is hen vreemd, zoniet vijandig.
Hallo Yancito,

Mijn speech is naar mijn gevoel best goed gegaan (gisteren moest ik presenteren). Mijn cijfer wordt volgend week nog bekend gemaakt.

Ik hou mij eigenlijk niet bezig met politieke partijen. Ik moest een tegenargument benoemen in mijn speech, daarom heb ik de uitspraak van Halbe Zijlstra gebruikt. Maar wat Halbe Zijlstra heeft gezegd daar ben ik het natuurlijk niet mee eens:). Vind het ook echt niet kunnen dat studiefinanciering wordt afgeschaft.

Helaas wordt er tegenwoordig veel bezuinigd.

Groet,

Serap Aksit
heel fijn gefeliciteerd. Ik bemoei me ook niet zo met politiek, maar de politiek bemoeit zich wél met ons helaas. Is mij gebleken althans.
Yancito, je zou feitelijk weer eens een paar maanden in Nederland moeten komen wonen en meedoen aan deze maatschappij. Dan besef je pas in wat voor een enorme samenleving wij hier leven. Ik heb zelf in 4 landen van Europa gewoond en gewerkt. Ik bezweer je, het is nergens zo goed als in Nederland. Dat iedereen kankert en klaagt en oh zo slecht bedeeld is, vloeit uitsluitend voort uit het feit dat de meesten nooit hun kijkers op andere landen geworpen hebben. Op vakantie, ja. En overal de voordelen plukken.
En als we dat zo willen houden dan zal er bezuinigd moeten worden, ofwel we moeten de tering naar de nering zetten, wwarbij we onze vrijheid (van de VVD) niet willen verliezen. We zijn niet allemaal Den Uyl fans die alleen maar leuke dingen wilde doen voor de mensen! 25 jaar later hadden we nog last van zijn socialistische waanideeën. Zijn PvdA beleid deed mijn familie en dat van veeeele anderen beslissen naar het buitenland te emigreren. Toendertijd een goede beslissing. Nu zou het beter zijn in NL te blijven en die woeker en corruptiepraktijken van de Middellandsezee landen te mijden. Bij deze!!

1 Antwoord

0 stemmen
First of all, did you know that [for students in the Netherlands] borrowing money for four years results in an average debt of about EUR 30,000. A student must be in a strong position to borrow money without any guarantee of future employment. Research from the National Student Union, commissioned by the Ministry of Education, shows that students, indeed, do not dare to take this risk. They see borrowing money as one of their biggest fears. This has already caused 20% of young students to think they will stop studying if the scholarships, known as ‘studentgrants in Dutch, end. Based on the research, it is clear that the scholarships are essential and that the accessibility to studying will decrease if the new system [of borrowing money/paying one’s own way through school?] is introduced . According to the Groninger University newspaper, the prospect of being stuck with a large debt for many years scares off prospective students. For example, people with a high student debt often have a lot of trouble later on in their lives with getting a mortgage for buying a house.

Second of all, if the scholarships are abolished, Students may have to try to reduce their financial shortcomings by working more, just as I have done. Almost all students agree that this leads to less time spent on studying, and that this inevitabley leads to poor exam results. All of this will result in a lowering of the success rate. Instead of encouraged, students are discouraged in developing their talents. However, Halbe Zijlstra, politician from the VVD, believes that abolition of scholarships will increase the success rate. He says: "I believe that cutting back on higher education ultimately means an investment in the quality of higher education."
Students will realize that they have to work harder to get their degrees as quickly as possible but that does not mean that the quality of education will be improved. [this looks like it is also a quote from Zijlstra. Is it? If so, you would need to put it in quotes]

Third of all, if the scholarships stop, there will be less equality between generation after generation of students who ended up with no debt, because now there will be a generation that has to pay all the money back.

As I said, students will start their careers with a debt. This prospect scares many young people off, and students will try to reduce their financial shortcomings by working more, which will lead to poor study results and there wil be less equality between the generations. On the basis of the above arguments, I am of the opinion that the studentgrants not be abolished.

Do not scrimp on the future of the Netherlands and her students!


Notes/Advice

If you begin with the words ‘First of all’, then it is best if you stay with this same pattern in the next paragraph and say ‘Second of all’ instead of ‘Secondly’. Or, you could have begun with ‘Firstly’ and gone on from there. Just as long as all of the numbering system you choose remains the same.

‘in a debt of…’ rather than ‘into a debt of…’

‘…to borrow money without any gaurantee…’ no comma here.

‘…of future employment.’ Also, there is no article (a) here.

‘…students, indeed, do not…’ here you need the comma because you are putting this word, ‘indeed’, in the middle of the sentence for emphasis.

‘This has already caused that* 20% of young people* think they will stop studying if the scholarship will stop’. Let’s break this sentence down to make it more clear. First, remove the word ‘that’, it is unnecessary in this case. Next, when you say ‘caused’ in this way, you will want to add the word ‘to’, as in ‘it caused them to do something’, so you will say, ‘This has already caused 20% of young people to think…’ Now, the second part of the sentence needs a little polishing, because it you want to be careful here: you are talking about people, the plural, so you need to make the scholarships plural as well: ‘…young people to think (that) they will stop studying if the scholarships…’ Finally, you don’t say ‘will stop’ but just ‘stop’. However, because you already used the word ‘stop’ in this sentence, it might be a good idea to find another word with the same meaning, such as ‘end’, or ‘cease’.

‘Based on the research, …’ comma is needed

‘scholarships are’ we usually speak of scholarships in the plural in English, unless we are just referring to one particular scholarship that is being offered or that someone has won.

‘will be’ should be ‘is’

‘stuck to a large debt’ interesting phrasing, nothing is really wrong with it, but it sounds a bit weird to me. I would suggest rephrasing this to ‘stuck with a large debt’.  

…later’ because your sentence is rather long, you should clarify what you mean by ‘later’, simply by adding the word ‘on’ or the words ‘on in life’ so it would be, ‘later on in life…’

‘scholarships are’ here you don’t want to say ‘get’ because it is too informal. It just doesn’t sit right in this phrase. I can’t really explain why, sorry about that, but it is better to say, ‘if the scholarships are abolished…’ because it makes it sound more like you know what you are talking about.  Also, you can either keep or drop the article (the) here. It doesn’t matter. I can’t explain why. Again, I’m sorry.

‘Students’ don’t need to use capital letter here.

Which is exactly/just what I have done

‘the study’ should be ‘studying’ no article (the) needed

…poor study results’ here you have used the word study already in this sentence, so try another word, perhaps ‘exam’. ‘…this will lead to poor exam results.’

‘Result in’, not ‘result into’

Scholarships (plural) unless Halbe Zijlstra is speaking of just one scholarship, in which case you should have mentioned the name of the scholarship at the beginning of your speech.

‘…the higher education’ no article (the) needed here. It should be ‘…cutting back on higher education’ {is that man a totaal idioot?}

‘…if the scholarships stop…’  you need to add an –s to scholarship

That should read: ‘generation after generation of students’

‘…who ended with no debt’ should be ‘…who ended up with no debt…’ or ‘who ended up without any debt…’

The last sentence of your third point, which is very important and wise, needs to have the word ‘because’, so that it reads, ‘…because now there will be a generation tha has to pay all the money back.’

‘…student…’ should be plural, ‘students’

‘…what…’  should be ‘…which…’

‘ben ik van mening…’ ‘I am of the opinion that…’

‘should’ comes after ‘the studentgrant’ so it would read ‘…the studentgrant should not be…’

‘studentgrant’ should be scholarship, since that is what you have called it the whole time.

Your final sentence, which is meaningful and has a strong impact, unfortunately comes out sounding like you are saying the opposite of what you mean. I think a better choice might have been, ‘Do not scrimp on the future of the Netherlands and her students!” I use ‘her’ to indicate that it is the students of the Netherlands, of everyone who lives there, of the entire country. If you say ‘our’, then you are going to make people think you only mean people like you. If you want everyone in the country to join you and be on your side, then say ‘her’ (countries are usually ‘she’ for some reason). Or, another option, which works well in this kind of thing, is to say more by saying less. So what you could say is: Do not scrimp on the future of The Netherlands! And leave it at that.
Apr 8, 2015 beantwoord door rebekasto
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