Zou iemand mijn sollicitatiebrief willen nakijken?

Question

Dear Sir/Madam,
Stop searching for a Customer Support Representative.
You have found a great co-worker: Me!

I was born in Stavanger, Norway and lived there till I was 7 years old.
We lived in Port-Gentil, Gabon where I went to an international school till I was 10 years old and then moved to the Netherlands. And since then I have progressed with my Norwegian, Dutch and English.

Last year I successfully completed my telephonist / receptionist training in Emmen.
And got a summer job as an Customer Support Representative at Studieboekencentrale in Emmen. It was a great experience and I really enjoyed working there.

Why I want to work for... (bedrijfsnaam heb ik even buiten gelaten)
I enjoy helping people and solving problems, I´m a real people person.
I am very accurate and customer oriented: I take my work very seriously, and want to help the customer the best way possible.
I have great communication skills: You don´t have to expect any awkward silences from me on the phone. I´m a person where everybody immediately feels at ease in.
Conversational capabilities: I can steer the conversation in the right direction.   
I am very empathic: When people tell me their stories, I can relate.  
Monitoring, Planning and organizing: I like making to do lists, so I can stay organized. And knowing perfectly what still has to be done.
Will take full responsibility for my own actions. Working together as a team or working alone is not a problem for me. But it´s nicer to achieve success together.

Yours faithfully,

Answer 1

Ziet er goed uit. Ik heb enkele suggesties. Dat wil niet zeggen dat jouw versie niet goed zou zijn.

and want to help the customer the best way possible = in the best possible way
I´m a person where everybody immediately feels at ease in = I´m a person whith whom  everybody immediately feels at ease.
so I can stay organized. And knowing perfectly what still has to be done = so I can stay organized and knowing perfectly what still has to be done.
empathic = empathetic (synoniemen)
Ten slotte heb ik een opmerking die je misschien ter harte zou moeten nemen: In jouw tekst staan 11 zinnen (vrijwel aaneengesloten) die met 'I' beginnen. Dat is stilistisch niet fraai. Probeer synoniemen te vinden of draai enkele van deze zinnen zo om dat het IK niet aan het begin staat. Een ideetje:  I enjoy helping people and solving problems = Helping people is something I enjoy as well as solving problems
Ik wens je veel succes met je nieuwe baan.

Comments

Dankjewel voor je suggesties.
Ik heb Google translate gebruikt en wat andere vertaalsites en ik twijfelde al of mijn grammatica wel klopte.
Vandaar dat ik de vraagbaak heb ingeschakeld:).
Het steeds beginnen met ik vond ik zelf ook wel storend, ik heb het wel veranderd ondertussen.
Of het goed is... is een tweede :)

Helping people is something I enjoy as well as solving problems. I am a real people person.
Very accurate and customer oriented: Take my work very seriously, and want to help in the best possible way
Have great communication skills: You don´t have to expect any awkward silences from me on the phone. I am a person where everybody immediately feels at ease in.
Conversational capabilities: I can steer the conversation in the right direction.   
Very empathic: When people tell me their stories, I feel for them.   
Monitoring, Planning and organizing: I like making to do lists, so I can stay organized and knowing perfectly what still has to be done.
Will take full responsibility for my own actions. Working together as a team or working alone is not a problem for me. But it´s nicer to achieve success together.

Answer 2

Helping people is something I enjoy as well as solving problems. Ýou can (could?) call me a real people person.
I’m very accurate and customer orientated (!), take my work very seriously and want to help in the best possible way
I have great communication skills: You don´t have to expect any awkward silences from me on the phone. I am a person where everybody immediately feels at ease. ('I am a person where....' is niet goed. 'I was on a square where.... is ok. but I am a person who or whom / op zijn gemak voelen = to feel at ease, so ‘it’ heeft geen functie)
Conversational capabilities: I can steer the conversation in the right direction in a very empathic way.  When people tell me their stories, I feel for them. (I can sympathize)  
Monitoring, planning and organizing: I like making to do lists, so I can stay organized and knowing perfectly what still has to be done.
Indeed I will (shall = Br. Engels)) take full responsibility for my own actions. Working together as a team or working alone is not a problem for me. But it´s nicer to achieve success together.

Er zitten nog steeds zinnen in die beginnen met 'I maar nu zijn ze niet meer storend. Als je nog twijfels hebt, gewoon doorvragen.

Comments

Dankjewel nogmaals :).
Twijfels zijn er sowieso, maar dat is meer of het een pakkende brief zal zijn of niet.
Ik wil echt heel graag voor het bedrijf gaan werken.
Met mijn cv ga ik een creatieve kant op denk ik, misschien dat dat iets meer toevoegt :)